Punxsutawney Phil Rejects Global Warming

2 02 2010

Punxsutawney Phil has had a very sound sleep up until the moment some dumb guy in a stupid-looking hat pulled him out of his burrow and shoved him into a cage. Phil snapped out of his deep slumber just long enough to try and bite the guy in the stupid hat as he was closing the cage door. As the guy in the stupid hat covered the cage to make it look more natural, Phil waddled around his tiny cage wondering why it was so cold. Phil soon tired of the cold so he made himself into a little ball to save some of his body heat. With his thick coat of fur helping to insulate him, Phil was soon nice and toasty.

There was a commotion going on with marching bands playing and people milling about drinking hot beverages. With all this activity and noise, there was no sleep for Phil. He decided to watch the stupid humans wandering around aimlessly to pass the time. As Phil started to unroll himself from his warm cocoon something caught his eye on the bottom of his cage. The newspaper that lined the bottom of his cage had a front page article claiming that the world was melting due to Global Warming. With a big grin on his face he finished reading the article in the NYT’s, then squatted and pee’d on it.

Moments later the guy in the stupid hat opened Phils cage, reached-in with a heavily padded glove and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. Phil was still laughing hard from the article he had just read, so he didn’t put up much of a fight. As the cameras flashed in Phils face his grin got wider and wider as he thought to himself… “Wow, humans are dumb” and that is the story of how Phil was forever cast as the Grinning Groundhog. NOTE: I have been assured by the Tooth Fairy that this is a true story!


Oh yeah, Phil predicted another 6 weeks of winter (privately he will tell people that Al Gore is a dirt-bag, and winter will last 9-10 more weeks. A clause in his contract forces him to say 6 weeks).




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